In the last post, we introduced the concept of Simply Noticing. I shared that my tendency in the past, despite being good at maneuvering props and players (people,places, and things) into configurations that pleased me, I was completely unaware of how I would consistently get in my own way. In the past, my favorite ethos of getting in my own way was to scare the hell out of myself. Specifically how I would go about doing this was to go up into the world of mind and imagine terrible catastrophic outcomes. My gremlin would eventually join the party and this would lead to long, drawn-out, grappling matches (grappling with your gremlin is never a good idea). These wrestling matches would result in massive amounts of anxiety, worry and stress–all of which would zap my energy and have an unpleasant physical manifestation in my body. So, despite putting on a happy face on the outside, getting things done, receiving monetary rewards and recognition, my internal experience was not enjoyable.
Your spotlight of awareness is like a lighthouse rooted in the present moment called now. You have the ability (unbeknownst to most) to control moment-to-moment, breath-to-breath where you shine your awareness. There are three realms of awareness where you spotlight can be shined.
1) From your skin in (sensations, feelings, breathing)
2) From your skin out (sights, sounds, things in your visual field)
3) The world of mind (some cool things are here, however there are also some dark, dank, seedy neighborhoods where the monster of the mind (your gremlin) lives
At any given moment, you are a devotee. That is you are devoting yourself to something. You do so via your awareness. Unaware in the past, I would spend embarrassingly long periods of time in the world of mind and in doing so, devote myself to my gremlin and his antics.
Where are you spending most of your time? What are you devoting yourself to?